Only an individual may change himself and his environment
Nowadays, young people are often heard complaining for being unappreciated, unwanted, and simply lost in the search for meaning of life. According to the psychologist, such emotions and experiences are especially characteristic of adolescence, when the young person is stuck in between of childhood and adulthood.
“The environment still treats them as children, but somehow expects them to behave like adults. Adolescence is for of self-exploration, experimenting, tasting and testing life. And those experiments and tests, self-searches are not necessarily understandable to older people,” she says.
According to the psychologist, adolescence is period of life dedicated to perfectionism. But it is worth taking into consideration that is not easy combining perfectionism and the desire to experiment.
However, according to the psychologist, only young people themselves through their own experiences are able to understand what they want to be, what they like and what interest them the most.
“Young people themselves, not only surrounding environment where they develop, are responsible for how they feel, but I always say that one of the most important traits of a strong and resilient person is the understanding that I am the one who is in control of my life, and various challenges are an inseparable part of life. Therefore, the environment that nurtures them is full of technology and social networks; parents who are overprotective do shape them, it is important, but only young people themselves are capable of changing that environment or resist its influence,” says Buinickaitė.
Prolonged adolescence
Today, it is also noticeable that young people tend “eating themselves up” for variety of reasons: appearance, inability to adapt to the environment or other issues. When asked, why young people encounter such problems, Buinickaitė has suggested taking a better look at the process how the young generation is transforming, what are the phases.
“Today, our young generation matures more slowly. What does this mean? If 20-15 years ago, the brain had been fully developed by the age of 21-23, today the last parts of it finish its development only at 28. This means that adolescence has been prolonged,” she says.
As the psychologist explains, there are many different reasons, why this has happened.
“From parents who were overprotective of their children and did not let them to try, experience and make mistakes, to figure out relationships with other people on their own, to social networks that make young people addictive to their smartphones and computers, thereby preventing them from gaining competencies necessary for maturity – social skills, problem solving skills and critical thinking,” explained the psychologist.
According to Buinickaitė, the variety of emotions during adolescence is a natural and normal thing.
“During the period of adolescence worrying about one’s appearance is completely normal, because young people try to fit the surrounding environment, they want to be accepted. Also, during these years, the feeling of shame is particularly strong, it also stands for the need to be socially accepted. It’s natural because teenagers are self-exploring, they try to separate themselves as individuals from home and parents. And this process is surrounded by insecurity, thus teenagers are desperate to be accepted by others,” she says.
But comparing oneself with others greatly contributes to a distorted self-view, and the previously mentioned social networks play great part in this.
“Social media is a platform to demonstrate how great my life is, how beautiful my new clothes are, what a fun vacation I am having, how great my new job is and so on. All this makes us feel inferior, not good enough. Therefore, it brings incredible sadness,” psychologist elaborates.
Sensitivity of Generation Z
“Firstly, they are believed to be easily offended even without being criticized. Secondly, they are good at expressing their feelings very openly. They are not afraid to admit that are feeling sad, uncomfortable, they are eager to leave a meeting or lecture, if they feel offended, they want safe space in universities and offices, want to be warned of topics that may seem difficult or sensitive. For older generations it is difficult to understand, because life is not easy and you cannot hide from every difficulty you encounter,” explains Buinickaitė.
In order to escape from difficulties, young people hide behind their smartphones, immerse themselves in social networks or otherwise distance themselves from the environment, protecting themselves from direct confrontation with it. In in most cases, such escape strategies cause more harm than they do good.
“The fact that they avoid live communication or hide behind their smartphones makes them even more sensitive and vulnerable when they are faced with the need to communicate live because they simple do not have the skills needed. Therefore, they react in a way react – get scared, sad or even angry. The anger is fuelled by the fact that on social media they see only one side of the world, one side of the truth, and live communication requires ability to hear other sides as well, be respectful and understanding. And they still need to develop such skill,” Buinickaitė says.
Anxiety about the future
Our life, like the world itself, is constantly changing, thus even adults, when thinking about their future, feel anxiety or tension growing even when performing daily tasks. In this case, the young generation face special challenges, as they, according to G. Buinickaitė, have the opportunity to easily and quickly get information with news about the horrors of the contemporary world. According to the psychologist, some information only causes fear, but in certain cases these problems encountered may encourage one to think about possible changes and actions that can help in the future.
“Here we can talk about countries that are vulnerable to terrorist attacks, and in our case – the war. This generation also went through economic crisis, they know what financial difficulties mean, so the majority of young people have been inspired to become financially literate and are interested in investment opportunities,” the psychologist explains.
What is more, many young people are also afraid of the future because at some point they will have to leave their family nest.
“It’s scary, it’s disturbing. They ask questions: how am I going to have to do everything myself? How will I find a job? Will I succeed? Of course, there are exceptions and some young people are eager to dive in new experiences, but the majority are living comfortably at their parents,” Buinickaitė says.
However, according to the psychologist, it is not the main reason for the fear and anxiety of young people.
“Will I be accepted as I am? Will I manage to find out what I really am? What if I make a mistake? How will they look at me then?” she mentions just a few questions that bother young people.
In order to conclude what Buinickaitė said earlier, it should be mentioned that such difficulties or prolonged searches for the meaning of life are normal experiences.
Constant changes in society
Probably everyone, and especially the parents of a young person, would agree with the presumption that, according to young people, elders do not understand them. Buinickaitė reminds that every previous generation felt the same way when were young, which, according to the psychologist, is the result of constant changes.
“The older we get, the more we want things to stay exactly the same. Changes, adaptation to others and uncertainty usually are successfully embraced at the age 18-30. After that, a young person just wants to be as he or she is, he or she wants things to be comfortable. Therefore, with the arrival of the young generation, change is inevitable. We, the elders, often look back at our youth with nostalgia, as the best time of our lives, and therefore we naturally compare ourselves to the younger generation,” the psychologist explains.
“The older generations did not have such quick access to information, they lived in a simpler world where phone was not the centre of attention. They played in the meadows and yards, communicated live, and gained experience by falling down and standing up again, thus it is difficult for them to understand a generation who’s life is inseparable from technology,” Buinickaitė says.
According to the psychologist, all this is normal.
“The elders have no such experience, so we cannot blame them. Like the young people who do not know life without technology, cannot imagine going to bed or waking without their smartphone,” she asserts.
The wrong approach to emotional health
Today emotional health and the importance of taking care of it are a lot talked about, thus it should be no surprise that young people pay a lot of attention to it. However, this is one of those cases where quality is far more important than quantity, because, in Buinickaitė’s point of view, young people do not always know how they should be looking after for their emotional health and often make mistakes.
“First of all, they talk a lot about emotional health as were taught that it is good to feel, to be sensitive, that we have to embrace our feelings and not be afraid to voice them. But what they have not been taught and what they do not know, is when to stop and what to do with those feelings. To feel something is not enough,” adds the psychologist.
According to the specialist, the problem is that nowadays young people depend too much on the help of psychologists.
“As strange as it may sound, regular visits to the psychologist and talks about one’s feelings without aiming at making oneself psychologically stronger are no good. Such people simply transfer their responsibility for overcoming difficulties to the specialist and just wait for a recipe for good life,” explains Buinickaitė.
According to the psychologist, it is also worth mentioning that people often mislabel, misjudge and misunderstand things related to mental health.
“Let’s say people may self-diagnose depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, but in reality, it may be just discomfort that they don’t know how deal with. And this inability to deal with discomfort, unfortunately, is also parents and educators’ fault. The latter, in order to help their children, have constantly praised them, had been solving children’s problems themselves: either by going to school, communicating with the parents of another child, or, if that did not work, they tried to cheer the child up by letting more time in front of the TV or computer, buying something new or offering entertainment,” said G. Buinickaitė.
According to the psychologist, a young person simply gets used to this overprotection.
“In my opinion, this generation is spoiled: if they feel bad, someone has to help them, and if not, they simply run away. Because it is inconvenient to face difficulties, discomfort, stress. A lack of social skills also greatly contributes to this,” says the psychologist.
The most important thing is not to be afraid to make mistakes
When it comes to emotional health and internal difficulties, the importance of balance in life is often emphasized, and this is the ultimate truth. According to Buinickaitė, the main task for today’s young people is to find correct balance between their heart and mind, because they both must work together.
“They have to try, make mistakes and learn from them, even if they are scared to death to do so. Young people should learn to resist temptations of the smartphone and critically assess all the information they get. Also, engage in activities and courses with real people in real life, as it is useful for strengthening social, problem-solving, cooperation and other skills,” advises the psychologist.
According to the specialist, for a young person it is very important to find support outside his or her family, closest friends and the psychologist.
“It can be other adults, aunts, uncles, grandmothers or grandfathers, teachers, neighbours – they all in one way or another can become mentors. During my school days, my mentors were a teacher of ethics and psychology, a school’s principal, and librarians,” says Buinickaitė. The psychologist also names some other important things that are extremely helpful for a young person in this path to genuine self and inner peace.
“You have to look for the good in life. You have to believe that the world is already good because you are in it and to try to make it even better by helping those around them, being respectful and aware, attentive and reactive to what is happening around you. You have to contribute to that good. And, first of all, you can contribute simply by living. By going, trying, stumbling, falling, getting up and trying again. Because these challenges of life will shape your personality and would become the topics someday to be discussed with your grandchildren,” concludes Buinickaitė.